4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
