there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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