All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
