He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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