are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
