I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're too hungover to prance.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
