I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
