the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff