i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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