My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
