He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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