I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
