I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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