theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
