So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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