In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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