I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
