he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize