you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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