i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
