I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
