Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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