and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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