Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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