Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
