Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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