Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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