3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
