her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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