why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
