My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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