i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
