She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
