Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
