I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
