If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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