Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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