Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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