I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
