just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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