Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
