6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
