I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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