we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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