i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
