i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
