is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
