And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
