guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is Oprah even human
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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