put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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