i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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