I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize