Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
