once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
