I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
