operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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