she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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