Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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